I'll Know It When I Find it

on the brink
at the edge
staring down
over a ledge

letting go is as simple as
i love you
as final as death

eyes wide open
seeing for the first time
from black and white
to living color
life bursts forth

legs once thought to be
lame
put one foot in front of the other
a heart once though to be
silent
is beating out of its chest

a journey is only a journey
if the destination is
sure

i fancied myself a vagabond
a hopeful wanderer

destination escapes me now
but somewhere there is a
somewhere
to stay

The Road Less Traveled

I find it so fascinating that I can always feel when my life's about to break wide open.  This has happened umpteen thousands of times in my life.  Yet, with each new pressure that life places on me to push this breaking onward, I still find myself terrfied by it, as if I've never been to this place before, as if this is new territory.

It is, of course, new territory in the sense that I've never been to this particular fork in the road.  But the concepts and confrontations of forks in this road are nothing new.  I've come across thousands and thousands of splits on the road of my life.  Each time, I eventually choose, though I often throw the most unseemly and embarrassing tantrum before I do, and then I move forward.  And each time, I am ecstatic with my choice, knowing it was You all along guiding my way, and that I had absolutely nothing to do with where this road was taking me in the first place.

At this very moment along this very road, I am standing before a split.  A decision must be made, and I am breaking.  I feel the pressure of change pressing down on me with every breath and with every heartbeat.  Like a woman in labor, the pain and the pressure bears down on my very being, in the deepest places of my life, and whether I am ready for change or not, change is coming.  My course is set, and this cannot be stopped.  I am moments away from delivering something into my world of which I have no actual concept apart from my dreaming and my longing.  I have not a single idea of what it will look like, feel like, smell like, sound like, think like, love like, be like.

It is no secret to You that forks in the road shake me to my very core.  You've been by my side at each new twist and turn, and You've been the reasoning behind each decision made.  As much as I'd love to be able to take the credit for the course of my life, I know that I cannot.  You are my Guide - indeed, the very Way of the path on which I walk.

I have no idea where You are taking me, and I'm as uncomfortable as hell, but I'm letting go, as I have so many times before, and as I will so many times to come.

Help me to choose where it is that You're leading.  There are always multiple choices, but there is only one Way.