I always find that the only time I'm truly motivated to write, sing, pray, meditate, read - and the list goes on - is when I'm beyond frustrated.
This is, of course, a completely unhealthy motivation, and I'm confessing it because chances are I'm not the only person in the world who relies on these unhealthy means to get in touch with the things I both love and need the most.
I'm fairly certain that true maturity lies somewhere beyond the point of being motivated by circumstances and emotions and being motivated by absolute truth. Circumstances and emotions are not truth. They are passing distractions, flimsy and foolish, silly and stupid. Absolute truth does not really need a definition. It just is - whatever the "it" may be that you're speaking of at the moment.
I want to be as solid and as immovable as absolute truth. As much as it irritates my pride to the very core to admit, I am movable, petty and whiny and selfish and confused.
The only way for me to look like You, Jesus, is for me to be with You. And when my motivations for that are wrong, take my misguided efforts and use them to wash me clean so that my motivations will be right the next time around.
Oh my fellow artist soul, you are so hitting the proverbial nail on the angst and frustration head! I absolutely love that absolute truth does not need a definition. It makes me think of a great concept that goes back to St. Thomas Aquinas. "The Infinite expresses itself thought the finite (us); but the finite (us) can never define the Infinite." Your music and writing and giving and joy in life are fine examples of the former. No need to define absolute truth. As you so eloquently said, it just IS.
ReplyDeleteWonderful blog and you are a talented writer, Sara. Hope you don't mind my sticking my neon nose in . . . :)
duh, I am the world's WORST typist!! The quote is . . .
ReplyDelete"The Infinite expresses itself THROUGH the finite; the finite can never define the Infinite."
Uncle Neon!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment - I don't mind at all! Stick your Neon nose in wherever you like. I appreciate you reading, actually. I didn't publicize the blog 'cause I needed to write for myself, but I do enjoy when people enjoy and relate with what I'm writing. Make you feel not so crazy. Haha.