i'm so over this casual thing

i want to know You.

i don't want to know You like this...

"hi, sara!"
"oh...hey...man. it's been FOREVER. how are the kids?"
"uh. what kids?"
"oh, that's right! you don't have any kids. sorry. what about your wife? how's she?"
"yeah. not married."
"oh. well. you should be."

awkward silence.

"well it was great to see you...buddy!"
"you don't know my name, do you?"
"what? is that my cell? well...see ya later!"

that's how i know more than three-quarters of the people in my life. but not You. that's not how i want to know You.

i want to know You the way i used to know by the sound of the car whether or not it was my mom or my dad coming up the driveway. i want to know You the way that the sound of jingling keys confirmed what the sound of the car had just revealed.

i want to know You the way i knew that every sunday afternoon, it was guaranteed that i would smell the scent of pasta and meatballs floating down the driveway as i walked up to the house.

i want to know You the way i know what my sister is going to say after i say, "you're causing a hazard here!" (she'll respond, "move," by the way. in case you're curious.)

i want to know You the way i know that i'll sneeze twice for every three times i cough. i want to know You the way i know that i pull at my lip when i'm in deep thought. i want to know You the way i know...

well, the way i know no one else. i want to know You better than i know anyone or anything else.

sometimes, the loneliness in my life is so real, i feel i may choke on it,
suffocating on the void of it crashing in around me.

but if i could just know You. like, really know You.

maybe then, i would find the cure for this loneliness.
maybe You're what i'm lacking.
maybe the voids are only filled in when You're here.
maybe.

i want to know You. i want to know You. i want to know You.