it's a waiting world, after all

anticipation is horrible.
but it's beautiful, too.

just like the rest of life, i guess. this love / hate relationship of living.

i am loving waiting for the things i'm waiting for because the best kind of prize is a SUR-prize.

der.

i am hating waiting for things i'm waiting for because...well.
it's waiting.

and my life revolves around convenience.

doesn't yours?
c'mon. you know it does.

-sigh-

it's like when i was a kid, and i knew we were going to disneyland in the summer. i'd wait all winter and all spring, waking up every day, hoping that it would be summer magically. maybe because the disneyland gods were magical and they lived in a magical kingdom, somehow they could make winter into summer or spring into summer.

but they couldn't, and waiting was my lot in life.

that waiting, though, was not just my lot in life, it was my whole life. the excitement of falling asleep each night, hoping summer would be wrapped up in all it's splendor sitting on my front porch with 5 tickets to disneyland - this was my world.

but each winter or spring morning that had not become summer sent my world crashing to pieces. oh cruel, cruel, disneyland gods. you're not magical at all.

then, night would come, and the cycle would repeat itself.
hoping, crushed, hoping, crushed, hoping, crushed.

until one day i went to bed hoping and woke up on a summer day and all the agony of waiting seemed like no pain at all. the disneyland gods had smiled down on me and given me a summer's day. a disneyland day. a day that fulfilled all hopes. at that moment, waiting seemed but a moment.

i hope my disneyland day is coming soon.
and i hope you're there. i really do.